Finding the Light in the Darkest of Times

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It seems that every day we wake up to find the world a little crazier than when we went to sleep.

In the last week California has gone from buying an obscene amount of toilet paper unnecessarily, to hoarding food, to schools closing, to social distancing and now full on house arrest and everything shutting down. The world stopped just like that. People are working from home, if at all. We keep hearing about more infected and life just seems crazy, like a strange dream void of reality. I didn’t even know we were capable of doing what is now being done. And yet, here we find ourselves, toilet paperless and home-bound.

Honestly, my family’s life won’t change that much. My husband already worked pretty remotely. I was staying home with the younger kids, and Spring is a quiet time around here in terms of extra curriculars. Luckily my kids are young and our activities are minimal. Sure, we are cancelling music lessons, classes, and volleyball practices. And they aren’t able to play with friends and we are obviously staying way less busy without all our fun outings. But none of that is life altering. Besides both mine and my husbands income becoming practically nothing…gulp.

With that said our “normal” is going to look pretty different around here. While I don’t mind homeschooling, I have no idea what I am doing and feel pretty overwhelmed by the whole thing. And that also means all the kids around… all the time!

So, if things aren’t all that different, why is this so hard?! Why does it all feel so overwhelming?

I can’t be alone when I say I am mourning the lack of knowledge. The idea that we don’t know when, or even if at this point our kids will go back to school. Or when we can visit family members and friends. Will the economy recover, and allow us to make the money we need to pay rent and for the things we need? When will the nights of a fun escape to a movie or meal out of the house happen again anytime soon? The unknown is scary.

It brings anxiety and literal tears some days. And no, it’s not because alone time has completely, almost in an instant, disappeared. But, it’s because my 1st grade daughter cried when she realized she wouldn’t be able to do the big fun performance for us at her assembly she has SO been looking forward to. And my daughter won’t get to do the gold rush activity the school puts on for the 4th grade she was excited about. That I don’t get the recitals, and stories they excitedly tell as they get in the car from school. I mourn the lack of experiences I can’t give, and in this climate won’t even get close to showing them. I can’t even take them to a park to play… that is reason to feel sorrow.

I hate cancelling vacations I’ve been planning; the ones that have gotten me through hard days simply looking forward to. The fact I can’t even reschedule them is just salt in the wound; because again, who knows when or if we can go anytime soon. The uncertainty is the kicker I tell you!

However, there is a glimmer of light.

I heard a wonderful story from a friend of mine who told of a woman sharing half the pack of toilet paper she had just bought because my friend was out. I hear of people shopping for elderly acquaintances in an attempt to keep them safe. I see my neighbors and people all around abiding by difficult social distancing recommendations for the good of all society. I see hope, and kindness. I see light in the darkness. My family is safe and happy, and for that, I rejoice.

So like Albus Dumbledore said, “Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”

I am trying to turn towards, and be the light.

The light might be a number of different things. Like developing better relationships with family and doing the things we have put off due to hectic schedules. We have the time to build the fort, play the game, and create the outdoor fairy garden. We can (and might have to) bake the bread and cookies or slow down and read to the kids (Harry Potter is a great read if you haven’t done that one yet). I am looking forward to crafting more, and developing talents I have been wanting to explore. There is so much to be grateful for, and so many opportunities we now have that would never be available to us without this tragedy.

Will this change us forever, or will the world return to the hectic fast paced nature we have been living for a long time? I hope there is a change. I hope we can see now what matters, and the goodness that can come from slowing down and being present in the moment.

I am determined to find the light now more than ever! Because this is an opportunity I don’t want to pass me by. What about you? How are you going to see this thing through?